“I Now Pronounce You . . . Oh Hell Wait!” “Just Marriage”
by Verona Mitchell
So you would like to be in a relationship or marry a person of the same sex/gender. So, why should I contest that? What bearing should your actions have on me, who and how I love? You and your partner, as much as my partner, and me knows the covenant of our relationship. So, you’ve decided to get legally married and want the “marriage” title with all the benefits. As a straight woman, my feelings are not hurt and I am not mad at you. I think given today’s time of record high stress, unemployment, family dysfunctions, and divorce rates, that anyone wanting to go out on a limb and commit their life to another, all under the mantle of love, is rather commendable. So again, I’m not mad at you. Declaring your same-sex love commitment does not threaten by heterosexuality or my spiritual beliefs in any way, shape or form. Because in the words of Lady Gaga, “I was born this way!” But for some, your union and push for marriage equality is socially offensive and sinful.
There are many issues raised with marriage equality — too many to name here. However, I see two core issues being that of fairness and equality. In some political and social circles verbiage has taken center stage with the sheer focus on the word “MARRIAGE”. Some pundits of marriage equality, and those thinking they represent, Religion, have suggested that the word, term and meaning of the word MARRIAGE is reserved ONLY for opposite sex couple, as ordained and instituted by the Divine God; with mainstream Religion dictating and setting the moral influences and directions for the masses. Seems right; right? WRONG!
I have a fundamental problem with this argument on so, so, many fronts. If you believe in the God, then you must know that God calls each and every one of us into a personal and deeper relationship; one-on-one relationship; not with the social orthodoxy of Religion but with the God. This personal relationship with God, the Divine entity, encompasses anything our human minds could ever imagine. So why are we dictating and assuming what God means or for whom God meant to award MARRIAGE? Point is, you don’t know. But mankind, in it’s boastful, contradictory and oftentimes self-interested, convenient manner has interpreted and deemed itself the judge, jury and executor of God’s will and God’s won’t. You see, some 50 years ago I would not have been allowed to be in a relationship with a “white” person let alone be legally married to one. I am sure the Biblical terminology was whipped out to justify and make impossible a legal interracial marriage of that time. And, just 100 years prior to that, another set of Biblical terms were used to deny enslaved Africans and African-Americans their freedom, human dignity and humanity. Let’s not be fooled. Ask yourself, is it God dictation or is it merely man’s will and man’s won’t? Don’t get me wrong, I respect the Bible and believe that it is a roadmap on how to live a richer and more fulfilled mission while here on Earth. So I want to make that extremely clear that I have nothing against the Bible. God is Self-made.
Yet, I think that within this moral debate of marriage equality we have forgotten a key ordinance and holy sacrament — that being “to love”. Regardless of human biological gender, love is the paramount of the expression. Love and the work that goes into any unionized relationship, regardless of what you call it, is what really counts. And individuals, regardless of biological gender, should be treated equally under the law.
If the law of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) is seen in today public policy circles as a now tyrannical law, then it must be reviewed according to the times, in the court of public opinion and adjusted. Each law, in times where there is social change surrounding its equality and utility, should be reviewed and put to the question; what happens when there is a conflict between law and equity? In the words of the Philosopher and Saint, Thomas Aquinas, “an unjust law is no law at all.” Individuals desiring to become legally married execute the most selfless love act that is humanly possible and that is to give themselves totally to their partner, mate, husband or wife in the sight of our legalized system and for some, in the sight of God. This action is the public sign that the relationship is one that is serious, a lifetime commitment, and most of all; it carries out a basic principle that we should love one another. Love becomes the centerpiece to the wedding cake, the marriage, the union, a life together ever after. I would say that this form of love expression and commitment shows a just marriage.
- In Defense of Marriage: No Need for Love Here (coriwong.com)
- AM I AN ANTI-HUMAN RIGHTS BIGOT? Part II (theadventureofexistence.wordpress.com)
- Marriage Equality (welcometomylifeonline.wordpress.com)